The last three weeks have been interesting, I say Interesting because I have never been in the situation where I am completely reliant on my own tools and abilities in order to survive, never once did I think that I would become a freelance yoga instructor / lifestyle blogger at 22, currently planning the next six months of travel and work simultaneously. But here I am, packing boxes which will ultimately be in storage for the next year, planning 6 wellbeing events and master classes for my Manchester community and endlessly searching for the best places to see in south East Asia that can feed my vegan soul quite nicely.
9 months ago, I was in a completely different mindset than what I am now, not only was I working in two jobs that I loved, both colliding perfectly but I was developing a solid role within the Manchester fitness/wellness community with my community leader at lululemon, I was making friends left right and centre and saving for a house deposit with good old Luke so I could create a stable base for my other ventures and ultimately living my best life at twenty two.
I was in a dream like state and I could have continued like this for the next two years if I held on persistently but there was a piece of me that just wasn’t happy. I couldn’t describe it, people would be like “you’re living the dream” and a part of me was, but there was always something that nawed at me constantly, like a feeling in the bottom of your belly, an instinct almost that you’ve turned off but can still feel it bleeping at you in the distance. I’ve never been good with change, it scares the living crap out of me because I am someone who panics and then once the panic sets in I become overwhelmed and everything becomes a slow but a sure feeling of losing my shit along with a whole lot of sense. However a friend of mine actually said to me the other day which made me realise that I am a doer in the sense that even when I’m scared I still do it because ultimately doing nothing scares me more than not doing anything at all.
Not long after I started to acknowledge this feeling of ungroundedness I got offered an incredible opportunity to teach abroad with a friend, something that has been on my bucket list since I was nineteen, with a few strokes of dilemma, lots of journaling and about 7 different phone calls with my mum and best friends I decided to take the leap of faith and jump onboard the rocky train called trusting the universe. Weirdly enough It felt like my whole life was put into perspective, like the world was put on pause just for me to realise that this was exactly what I wanted to do, I wanted to share my knowledge and experience through the teachings of Yoga, writing and the other stuff was merely material wealth that didn’t support me right now. Don’t get me wrong my job at lululemon and the family I made there were some of the best decisions and experiences I will ever have. But The adventures I wanted to do, the trainings around the world that called for me, cultures and foods I only saw on social media but dreamt of trying and people who I would’ve never known if I didn’t wouldn’t have, wouldn’t be here today.
I guess what I am trying to say is that change is inevitable. We pretend that life will always change even staying in the same roles doing the same thing every day and hoping that one day some magical force will grant you your every desire, I’m not saying that sometimes loosing your house keys is a sign you should move to cave in the distant lands of China but I urge you, to look at the bigger picture. Will your life change if you don’t do the things that scare you? Yes you will earn more money if you stay where you are but in the grand scheme of things unless you change something nothing will change. It’s terrifying and relentless, most of the time you doubt yourself and go alittle crazy, maybe drink a glass (bottle) of wine and then once you’ve got your shit together you will start to realise that change is the best thing that can happen to you.
Every time I hit my mat I always feel new and squishy like play dough, I’m not saying my life is finished and everything is all sparkly because it’s not, but I feel like I keep growing in different ways every single day. I am beyond grateful for what change has done to my life and let me tell you No freelancer has an easy life but for me it’s the best kind of life. The life I’ve always wanted to live and my mat helped me start it all. The fear of falling or failing was actually my catapult to moving forward. You know the saying – fail seven times and get up on the eighth. (not sure if that’s the actual saying but here’s my version)
Now if you’re reading this and would love to know more about yourself and if there are traits that you haven’t quite discovered that will help you through this stage in your life, my friend showed me this incredibly accurate personality quiz that can hopefully help you in your decisions. Check the link below:
Let me know what you think <3