Journal

My 5 Key Points To A Happy Relationship

Last night Luke and I were sat in bed like we normally do after date night just talking the night away with our dreams, ambitions, life purposes and just general chit chat like all couples do before they go to sleep.  I found myself thinking about our anniversary 7 months away from being together for 6 years.  6 whole years of my life dedicated to one man and his sexy ass beard.  I found myself, not in shock but in amazement on how we managed to get through such a crucial growing period of our lives together after everything we have accomplished.

 

I’ve found that with relationships are a huge part of us as humans, to grow, learn even live in some cases (Luke has saved my life far too many times to count) But how we sustain these relationships is the ultimate question.  I get so many friends asking me how do you do it? Whats my secret to love.  The truth is I can’t really say because I am not some form of jesus or god of all answers. I am mearly a girl who’s lucky to be in love with the guy of her dreams (Que the cheese please) However this just doesn’t happen overnight.  Being in a relationship is much harder that working in any job or owning a pet.  A relationship is something which will always need constant nurturing, undivided love and attention (my end) and at least 23 hours of your day to total devotion. Joking….. obviously 24 but even then there are always learning curves to each and everyone of us.  It’s just learning how to cope together which is the real secret.

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  Fight.

Not physically but We argue over the stupidest of things like who’s making dinner, or why does he leave the toilet seat up or my ultimate favourite is why do I need so much space the wardrobe? Fights will appear out of nowhere, out of nothing really you just have to learn to add them to your day.  I’ve honestly never met a couple who’s never had 1 argument.  Not one and thats because arguments are a way of life, just get it out there and get it over with, theres no point thinking after one argument, oh this is over now because realistically its not.  Let yourself be heard through the carnage but think after it, was it really worth all that energy?

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 Love doesn’t happen over night.

 You can spend hours fixating on whatever you have with someone thinking this will defiantly end in forever, spending your nights planning your weddings to then have it fall to pieces right in front of you.  You have to constantly work hard in your relationship as they will always evolve with time, like a baby.  They don’t stay babies forever.  When Luke and I went traveling we had previously been together for 3 Years without even one holiday prior together.  I thought I knew Luke inside and out, turns out theres a whole different side to him when he travels as there is with me but we learned to carry on and grow with each step of the way.  2 years travelling with many, MANY set backs and we are still here today planning our next adventure to Asia.  Constant work equals well paid off love so don’t get comfortable.   Make sure you make this the best story you will ever tell your kids.

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 Don’t change them.

Everybody has faults that others may not like.  It’s about accepting them and learning to adapt to them within yourself.  I have tried numerous amounts of times to get Luke to just have the tiniest pinch of urgency when it comes to  planning however he has never changed in the 5 years Iv’e been with him, its not because I’ve grown tired of it but because he will always be who he is and I should’nt want to change him for that.  I have literally pulled my hair out sometimes just trying to get him on my level of worry but I haven I ever succeeded. No. Why? because Luke is his own person and he won’t change for me, as I won’t for him because we weren’t born to be each others equals we were brought together to face each other in all of our faults and learn how to grow as one.  Obviously if they have some kind of weird fettish thing it’s clearly time for them to go…… Otherwise Be your own person and then mould into one.

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 Interests.  

Each and every person have been brought up with some form of interest or hobby.  Sometimes you find someone with similar interests to which you make the relationship work in it’s own way,  However a person with no interests apart from their partner is the most boring soul for not just the individual but the person dating you.  You have to have common ground when it comes to being in a relationship but only having that one ground to stand on and nothing else on the horizon can leave you fighting more and escaping the boredom by straying to which of course in time cracks open the relationship and slowly crashes into tiny pieces.  Create your own hobbies, make time for the gym after work, take that dinner date with your girls, stay out late and party all night.

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 Be your own person.

I cannot stress this  point enough, I have found with many woman that they loose who they really are when they get into relationships, they stop taking time out to go and see their girlfriends. The worst part is when then engulf their lives around their partners so when any occasion that doesn’t involve your loved one you cancel because being with them is so much better.  In the long run you will forget the dreams you had and over time think why didn’t I just go out with my friends? I they love you they will support you through thick and thin, If luke wanted to leave right now to Africa to save the children for 6 months, sure I would be crazy mad but I would respect him enough to go.  Always make time for your own plans and allow them to squeeze into them.  You won’t always do the right thing and sometimes you will need separate  but always always always make sure you put yourself first.

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